Reaching that point where you're saying, "I just can't take it anymore!" like this woman did:
Hearing this from so many moms today, reminds me when my husband and I were young and before we had kids of our own. Our first house we bought was really close to an apartment complex, and the backyard was connected to part of its parking lot. This meant we could hear and see a lot of what was going on in the buildings.
One sunny day it was really hot out, everyone had their windows open, and we were sitting on our back deck. Among the sounds of children playing, we suddenly heard their mom yelling at the top of her lungs, “I just can't take this anymore!”
You could really hear the pain and the struggle in her voice. I wasn't even a mother at this point but it was clear to me: that mom is burnt out!
She had reached the end of her rope–we've all been there! I can remember thinking that many times as a mother and voicing it over the years, mainly when my kids were really young. They were struggling with their mental health, while we were still struggling with ours: undiagnosed and untreated.
It's not always an outburst. It can also look like:
Neglecting personal health, hygiene
Dissociation, derealization
Feeling touched out, overstimulated by physical contact
So, how do you cope with these thoughts and feelings?
I'm going to share a great technique I found: for when you just can't take it anymore. This method will help calm your nerves and ground you! The ABC's of parental burnout recovery.
A - Attend
If you've arrived at that point, take the time to just sit with that and really pay attention to it. You have to take care of yourself in that moment, that's the first step towards achieving any sense of peace. Practice deep breathing, looking inwardly to examine your stress. What is the root of it? What would relieve it? If you're reading this, you've already started this step.
B - Befriend
Befriend the emotions that come up for you. Picture yourself sitting across from someone you love and care about deeply, and they're telling you how much they're struggling as a parent. They're suffering from feelings of shame, guilt, sadness and frustration, and looking for support. Imagine all of the stuff you might say to that person to let them know you care for them. Why can't you say it to yourself?
"You are your own best friend and worst enemy; you can take yourself higher or make yourself fall lower." – Dr. Prem Jagyasi
Self criticism is the main contributor to parental burnout: We are our own worst critics. That's why this step is so effective at beating feelings of burnout. You have all the power within to lift yourself up! It's important to remember that taking time to yourself is what's best for you and your family's wellbeing.
C - Connect
Connect to yourself, to others, and to nature. It's not selfish to have alone time or to ask for help in order to replenish your energy. You need it! Reach out to your family, friends, and community members to create a support system. Try to manage your expectations of yourself, not allowing them to stress you out further. Accepting and celebrating what you have accomplished will actually improve your productivity, because you're practicing self love.
Getting out in nature, physically moving away from your responsibilities, can help you manage stress! Exposure to nature is great for your mood, it lowers cortisol levels, and boosts dopamine and endorphins. It's been proven that spending time outdoors does wonders for our physiological health! Just going for a short walk in your neighbourhood can greatly improve your mood.
You can't pour from an empty cup.
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