Is it unhealthy? Is it necessary sometimes? Let's discuss.
There's many different reasons that a couple reaches the point where they're not talking anymore. It can look differently for each couple, but what are some of the most common reasons that a couple stops talking?
The two main reasons for the silent treatment:
1. You've stopped having things to talk about with each other. You've grown so far apart that you're no longer sharing any kind of communication just because you're no longer feeling any kind of connection. We've all seen those couples sitting in restaurants where they're not even talking to each other and maybe they're even on their phones half the time too.
2. The second reason that couples will stop talking is because there's a lot of resentment and anger that's built up. Maybe you've gotten to the point where you know you've been fighting a lot and it’s just easier to not talk. You choose to not express yourself because it always seems to devolve into some sort of argument or fight. If you've gotten to that place in your relationship, communication is going to be the key to rebuilding any kind of relationship. But every problem is going to take different approaches. Sometimes a counsellor can help to break the tension and offer some healthier communication methods to use.
"Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost." - Khalil Gibran
What to do when this happens?
What I've seen through my practice and some of my own lived experience is that it can get to the point where you're barely talking to each other. How can we avoid that? Rebuilding connection when you've grown apart is going to be about finding your way back towards each other.
Finding some common interests and rediscovering each other.
Have a conversation about the state of your relationship, what your desires and expectations are for it, and how you’re going to create that.
Share and acknowledge each other's feelings, creating that validation and assurance that you do care for your relationship. Feelings left unacknowledged often leads to a buildup of resentment!
Label the behaviour, not the person. When describing a conflict, avoid using "you" statements. Instead of saying, "you were mean," you can say, "that was mean to say,".
I've shared these alternatives before but I think it's worth sharing again! When things get heated, we often will say some of the things of the left, when really we should say the things on the right. Try these alternatives out for healthier communication!
In this case, it's always better to take some space to manage your feelings so you can handle the conflict in a healthy way. Sometimes our feelings can also change over time, perhaps because we've had space to process the issue more; maybe we received some insight from a counsellor, friend, or family member. That's human nature, we shouldn't feel ashamed of it!
Be patient while navigating these strategies, you're relearning how to navigate conflict/disagreements in your relationships. It's completely normal to slip back into old behaviours sometimes, healing is not a linear path. Many of us growing up were not shown or taught how to facilitate healthy communication in a romantic relationship!
It takes practice to learn a new skill, and you're not gonna be a master at it immediately. But with a little effort you'll see a major difference in not only your romantic relationships, but your friends and family too! You can be a cycle breaker.
What do you think?
Should couples use The Silent Treatment?
It's unhealthy to do
It's necessary sometimes
Unsure
I specialize in helping women through romantic issues and finding love. Take the first step in healing your intimate life. I can help you work through unhealthy communication patterns and break the silent treatment.
Book a free 45 minute strategy call with me here.